Thanks to my internet: a thanksgiving with NO ONE to thank!

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Thanks to my internet

Perfect roast turkey, corn pudding, roasted sweet potato casserole with praline or oh oh cracked pepper dinner rolls, cheese grits and oh God the foodgasms that a pumpkin pie with walnut crust gives. The warm hugs and collective cookery embellished with a dash of laughter and naughtiness – gosh, the serenity! 

I totally love thanksgiving and so does my whole family. Everyone from different parts of the country comes together to sit at the same big table decorated with silver cutlery and fancy plates with glasses adorned by red wine dancing side to side as we give it to rest by lulling it to sleep once it starts roaring in our mouths to descend it into our stomachs. The joy, the ambiance, and the traditions – everything is just ‘worth melting for’. 

Om num, I can feel it all in my mouth so much … just as everyone else might be up until this point. But did I enjoy all this? Oh no no no! How on Earth can a mere mortal like me enjoy life to the fullest? Yes, I am a foodie and yes! I am angry at! I couldn’t enjoy a bit of it because of my service providers. I gave them a taste of some good swear pills, alright!

Like always, everyone was supposed to meet up. But we … we didn’t receive any calls. No emails; nothing! It felt horrible. And when it starts to ache you become the ache yourself. That’s exactly what happened. When at last someone called us a night before the occasion on our cellphones – we didn’t pick up. I mean why should we when they weren’t hospitable enough to invite us at least a week before so we’d book our flights accordingly. Last year, when we did it at our place we sent out the invitations two weeks before and called each recipient to see if they got the email or not. When did they turn up? A night before thanksgiving? Well, no you don’t! Ain’t nobody’s gonna get to insult us or make us feel unwanted, alright!? What was the point of a formality now, right?

So, anyway, when some other relative called us up later that night we bombarded a whole lot of arguments their way. That’s when they asked us to check our landline. And, well as embarrassing as it may sound it was even more at that moment when I picked it up … there was no pulse. It was friggin’ dead. It had been dead for two weeks and we thought our whole family is isolating us. We got so worked up that none of us bothered to see our emails hadn’t been updated as well. The internet connection was too slow to acquire them. It was all because of that demonic service provider!! I wish I’d have sued the company but I obviously couldn’t because there was a lot of negligence on our part too. But hey, the kids aren’t that old to use the internet all the time and I am always working. As for my Missus, she is a downright country.  She isn’t too interested in technology nor does she know how to use much of the unneeded ones. As long as she thinks her life can pass without the internet she won’t be using it. So yeah, to make it short, I switched to the a better internet in my area and I hope Christmas is better spent than this deserted, negative and hateful experience we had to go through.

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